Friday, April 29, 2011

The Awkward Pooper

My dog amazes me with how awkward he is during his day to day life. I love him for this. The most awkward thing he does is.....poop.
Exhibit A:
He lifts he's leg to poop which of course makes him fall over constantly.

Exhibit B:
He prefers to poop in bushes or raised areas. He also tries, and always fails, to lift his leg while doing this.

Exhibit C:
This isn't a good photo as an example but he makes the most awkward face and stretches out he's neck when he's doing a final push before he kicks grass and he's actual poop into the air.
This is just him being adorable. I felt like I should balance off this post of him pooping in multiple photos with him being all cuddle and cute. Gah! I love my little man!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

3 Years in the Making.

Yesterday was a epic day. Epic because a friend of mine (and boyfriend to one of my besties) took his last exam of his law school career. Pretty damn impressive.
How does one celebrate such a event? Day-time drinking clearly.
My father is a lawyer so I have heard many stories over the years of he's law school experience. It was great to witness Dan's experience first hand because now, when we grow old together and have kids I'll be able to tell them that I knew their father during he's law school experience.
My father also insisted that I buy Dan many shots/drinks to celebrate him finishing law school.

I probably would have done this anyway but I enjoyed saying that it was also partly due to my father.

Congrats, Dan the Man. I can't believe these 3 years went by so fast. While I have no clue what it's like to actually BE in Law School I can tell you worked your ass off and all the good things that will follow after you graduate and move on from here will be amazing.

And I can't NOT give a shout out to my bestie for being a supportive girlfriend the whole way through Dan's law school career, beginning to end. 
I'm super sad that both these amazing people will be leaving New Orleans and moving back up to Pennsylvania (land that I love) in June but alas, adulthood calls and moving on to the next step of our lives is arising.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Drunken Easter Egg Hunt

Remember how fun Easter Egg Hunts were when you were a kid? Remember the excitement of finding out what candy surprise you'd find inside? Now fast forward 20 years and think of what you enjoy doing. If you live in New Orleans, it most likely is drinking. And this, my friend, is how the idea for the Drunken Easter Egg Hunt began.
Here is how you play the game.
1) Find a egg

2) Crack it open and find your candy treat and instructions.
3) Run to where the alcoholic beverage or fruit is and eat/take a shot of it.
 4) Continue on and find the next egg. Repeat.
It's a pretty simple game I must admit. But really, you need these rules to be simple when drinking hard booze that fast. Sadly, I SUCKED at finding the eggs.
Oh well, I still enjoyed the perks. HAPPY EASTER!!!!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Back to Beer

I am so damn happy that Lent is FINALLY over. This year I gave up beer. Honestly, I have no clue why I did this. I'm pretty sure I've only practiced giving something up for Lent once when I was in 3rd grade because "all the cool kids were doing it". Remember when crazy religious things were cool when you were a kid? Then you grow up, form your own option, go to drag clubs, realize holy wine is really red wine and that you can get it at CVs for 5 dollars in a box, and that sex before marriage is AWESOME.
Oh, and another ridiculous reason for me to give something up for Lent is because my actual religion DOES NOT PRACTICE IT! We don't even celebrate Easter! But whatever, I mostly did it 1) because John gave it up and I wanted to support him and 2) beer makes me bloat and I thought it would be good to give it up for a little bit.
                              Now....GET IN MY BELLY RED STRIPE!

Monday, April 18, 2011

One More Week

In one week my boot will be gone for good. And that day will be the most glorious day EVER!
What do I plan on doing other than wearing 2 normals shoes versus 1 shoes and a Iron Man like boot?
I plan on riding my bicycle. Yes, I plan on returning to what caused my fractured foot the day I get the boot off but I eventually will have to get back on a bike so why not make it a week from  today.
I also plan on blasting this song on repeat and singing it aloud in order to creep people out who drive in cars.

                        IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME! I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dog Day Afternoon

Ya know how people tell you having a dog prepares you for having kids one day? Other than the fact that you can leave them alone for 7 hours and come home and they are still alive. Well, I agree with this statement. Jackson is totally my baby. And I enjoy finding ways to make my baby tired so I can go out drinking and know that he is past out and not chew my books that I have only read part of.
This normally means taking him to a park and having him run around with a stick in his mouth while I yelled out "Stick, Jackson, get your stick". He is so effin' pleased with himself. It brings me so much joy.
Then after he's worn out John and I can enjoy relaxing by the Mississippi River and watching the sunset.
God damn, I love New Orleans in April. Be jealous everyone who doesn't live here. You're missing out.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

Signs are everywhere. Signs are useful. Signs help things run smoothly. BUT there are some signs that annoy me to the point of completely doing the opposite.

1) "Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work"
Honestly, I don't believe these signs are for the employees. They are for the general public to believe that the people handling their food or items they are about to purchase are required to wash their hands before going back to work. But really, do you think a sign is going to enforce this? 
I believe it probably does the opposite. More so when the employees look miserable because really, when all you have are little revenges at your work place, whipping your ass and not washing your hands before making a latte for some bitchy housewife is perhaps all you have. And I'll admit, this comes from previous experience. I remember waiting tables and hating my job and NOT washing my hands solely for this reason. I am not writing this secret on a postcard and sending it to post secret. Nay, nay, I'll admit this to the world but I fully believe about 80-90% of the people who will read this probably have done this as well.

2) "Baby On Board" 
First off, I am glad to say I don't see that many of these signs as much as I used to when I was younger but they still exist. When I see this sign it often makes me wonder to myself, "So, why do I care?". Are you telling me not to cut you off? Are you asking me to let you cut me off and not flick you off? Are you expecting me to make sure I don't get in a car accident with you? I don't care if you have a baby on board. Shit happens when you are in a car and when it does no one CARES that a baby is on board. If we had control over it these accidents wouldn't happen in the first place. It's not like you CHOOSE to hit/cut off certain people by what/who is in the car.
We all have to put up with mothers with strollers who ram into our heels and give us sassy looks like we deserved it for being merely near them. This sign, I believe, was MADE for these women. These mothers (and possible fathers) who believe JUST because they reproduced they should be given special exceptions. It's great that you had a kid. I'm super glad you had a orgasm that made a baby. I plan on having kids one day too. What I don't plan on having is a pompous attitude like this.

3) "No Dog Pooping"
Putting a sign in your yard and telling me to not let my dog shit in your yard will NOT stop my dog from shitting in your yard. If I could magically make my dog not shit in your yard MAYBE I would consider this but COME ON PEOPLE dogs shit where ever they damn well please. They are dogs! They do whatever feels right. And if it feels right to shit in the yard with a sign telling them not to they WILL shit there. 
I recently was yelled at by one of my neighbors for letting my dog shit in their yard. When they were telling me to stop my dog from shitting I was holding a poop bag in my hand. It wasn't like I wasn't going to pick it up. I told her I was going to pick it up. But for some odd reason this wasn't good enough for this woman. She wanted me to literally pull my dog off her yard in the middle of his shit and finish somewhere else. Listen Lady, I hate when I can't finish my poop and I sure as hell am not going to make my dog stop just because you think it will ruin your grass. It won't. Perhaps his pee but I'm pretty sure poop will more likely help it than kill it.

When you put that sign in your yard I am much more likely to leave the poop there when no one is looking. I know I'm not the only person who feels this way because I tend to see more dog poop left in these yards than the ones without them.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Spirit Animal

I've decided that the Honey Badger should be my new Spirit Animal:
To bad I feel like my current Spirit Animal (thanks fractured foot) is the Sloth:

Friday, April 8, 2011

Dear Fractured Foot

Dear Fractured Foot,
While at first I was able to joke about you, I can now say the joke has run it's course. I no longer feel the need to decorate you for holidays like Mardi Gras or St. Patricks day. It is beginning to get uncomfortable hot outside and having a giant boot on that feels like 12 wool sweaters doesn't help. The fact that you have a slight heel makes me unable to wear my Toms shoes and the boot makes the most annoying high heel sound every other step. I feel like I waddle like a pregnant woman.
Also, you still hurt like a bitch. Really, foot, REALLY? It's been almost 5 weeks. Give me a break. So I decided not to fill my vicodin prescription they gave me. Shouldn't my body be rewarding me for sticking it out this long without hardcore pain pills instead of punishing me?
And thanks, fractured foot for causing me so much unbearable pain that I reached the point of vomiting at work this week and losing eye sight in my right eye for 20 minutes. I now have to leave this film I've been waiting a month and a half to work on after only a week. Yes, I know I probably shouldn't have tried to run around uneven ground. Yes, I realize I was told it would take 6-8 weeks to heal and it's only been 4. But come on, I gave you a good 4 weeks of nothingness, can't you just cut me some slack and subtract 2 weeks off you're healing time?
What's that fractured foot? No? You won't stop being a piece of shit pain in my ass? Great. Thanks.
 Suck it!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Ryan Gosling, Mon Amour

I work with actors for my job so I rarely form weird obsessions with them. By weird, I mean believing that I could actually be friends with them in real life. I mean, when does a person of a certain celebrity just stop remembering what it's like to shop the sales rack at Old Navy and never have a full gas tank because you can't afford to have one? No clue. But normally by the time I work with them they have forgotten these things.
I'm getting off track here. Ryan Gosling. There are so many reasons I love him. I must note that for years I tried to deny that I loved him as much as I do but once he started the publicly tours for the film Blue Valentine I become unable to not verbalize it.

1) He's a Feminist Male - When Blue Valentine was first rated NC-17 the director, Michelle Williams, and Ryan all spoke out about how unfair the rating was. I, of course, saw the film opening weekend and didn't find it nearly as bad as the MPAA did.
Here is the statement Ryan released during that time:
You have to question a cinematic culture which preaches artistic expression, and yet would support a decision that is clearly a product of a patriarchy-dominant society, which tries to control how women are depicted on screen. The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self. I consider this an issue that is bigger than this film.
 Every feminist all over the world probably got moist panties when they read this. I know I did.

2) He's a Scorpio - Now, this would NORMALLY be a turn off for me as I am a Scorpio (he is Nov. 11 and I am Nov. 13) but for some odd reason I am attracted to him. Perhaps it would eventually drive me crazy but all my brain can think is how passionate our sex life would be (Dad, I'm sorry if you're reading but it's true) and how well we could "read" each other off the bat. Note: Ryan's longest public relationship was with a fellow Scorpio Rachel McAdams who I also love.
3) Age doesn't matter - I love a man who doesn't care the age of the woman he's dating. Does anyone remember when Ryan dated Sandra Bullock? I do! I love me some Sandy and I've heard she's amazing to work with and is real laid back. He seems to date chill ladies which makes me think he'd be too.

4) The man seems to love kids -  The man has done some pretty amazing films that deal with adult/child relationships. The two that spring to my mind right away are Half Nelson and (of course) Blue Valentine. Spoiler Alert:
In Blue Valentine he plays a man who accepts he's girlfriends daughter as his own after she finds out she is pregnant soon after they begin dating. She even goes to the abortion clinic but can't go threw with it and he's supportive either way. At the end, their relationship falls apart and the very last moment in the film made me fall for him even more. I don't want to give to much away.
And here, are a bunch of photos of him during the press tour with his "daughter" from the film:

Checking the sugar content????
Ladies, am I the only one who had my uterus just skip a beat? I thought not.
Oh, and also this recent visit to Jimmy Kimmel (a Scorpio who I share my birthday with) made me also swoon a little:
To be honest, the little girl creeped me out but the fact that he finds it so adorable makes me love him.

5) Music - This also is a follow up with his clear love for children. Or at least he's made up love for them in my head. Whatever. So, he is part of the AMAZING band Dead Man's Bones. For the record, I heard the music and loved it before even knowing this man was part of it.
           What is he saying to those children to make them laugh! I love it.
Also, going back to the press tour for Blue Valentine (surprise, surprise), he sang this little diddie that quite a few of you might remember.
I mean, really Ryan, is this a trick? Do you learn these songs to make our inner little girl fall in love with you too? Cause it's working.
Lastly, little girls of the mid-90s. Some of you may also remember him from his younger days this way....
I will admit, Ryan was not my favorite back in the day but neither was Mr. Timberlake. I wonder if they still speak? I kinda imagine them avoiding each other awkwardly at red carpet events in order for magazine not to post pictures of them as young kids wearing ridic outfits like these MC Hammer pants.

6) He's an animal lover - In case you didn't know, Ryan is a vegetarian. While I don't judge people who continue to eat meat I must admit when people choose not to I feel closer to them right away. And when a man doesn't eat meat I find it to be one of the sexiest things ever!
Ryan also has one of the cutest dogs named George. Plain ole' George:

He takes that pooch everywhere. Although I have a pure breed dog right now (note: he was given to me and I did not buy him) I tend to only own mutts. And boy is George the cutest mutt ever. Also, alot of male actors only have small dogs. Yes, I secretly judge you if you are a man with a small dog. If my cat can beat your dog up it makes me question your manhood a little. Sorry.
7) He chooses he's film roles wisely - Well at least since 2001 when he did The Believer. If you look at his film resume you don't see a bunch of back to back films which makes me think he 1) doesn't do films that he doesn't believe in and 2) takes time off in order to enjoy life. I once thought this way about Joseph Gordon Levitt but um, G.I. Joe? Yeah, he no longer fits the bill no matter what he was paid.
Now, not all of these films that Ryan has made are what you think to be amazing. But when you look at each character that he plays specifically then you realize why he took the role. Most his characters have a deep emotional battle they are fighting within themselves.
8) Tagine - He co-owns a Moroccan restaurant with two friends in LA. You're probably thinking, big deal, EVERY actor co-owns a restaurant with someone. But does every actor actual wait tables from time to time at their own restaurant?
 I feel like my rant about loving Ryan has gone on to far so I'll just leave it at this. I have no clue if my opinion of him will change over the years as he seems to be doing more back to back films which worries me that he is selling out. Fingers crossed he still keeps making films like Blue Valentine, speaking out for women's rights, and being all around adorable.
And in case any of you want to know, I'm pretty sure I NEVER want to work with him. Nothing sucks more than working with a actor you've admired from afar for years only to discover they are a giant douche. This is currently what I'm dealing with on the film I'm working on. I normally stop seeing their films. So, Ryan, while I love you and secretly want to be held in your arms as you sing a song like "You Always Hurt the Ones You Love" I hope that I never work with you. And if I do, please don't be a bagga douche.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Yes, Sir. PLEASE!

So I stumbled upon this little treasure that I would like to share with you all. Perhaps you may buy it for yourself or perhaps you will buy it for me in order to make sure I don't fracture my foot again (Cinco De Mayo is right around the corner). THANKS!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Kicking It

Normally, before you start a movie, each department has a dinner with each other. It's a nice way to get to know each other if you 1) didn't get prep time and 2) haven't worked together before. Honestly, when I say "each department" does this I'm actually talking out of my ass because I don't know this for sure but it's pretty safe to assume.
Tonight we went to Crawfish Palace. Yuuuuuup. Not a great place for a vegetarian to eat but like I said before it's still fun to be part of the crawfish experience.
We have a few people who aren't from Louisiana and are crawfish eating virgins in our group. It was fun to watch them try and suck the heads. This photo about sums it up pretty well:
And then their were the veteran crawfish eaters:
This photo does not do justice for the amount of crawfish he ate . For realz.
Now, you may be curious what I was able to eat there. Honestly, I thought I was going to sit their and watch everyone eat pounds and pounds of crawfish and throw back delicious beer while I sat their awkwardly drinking a coke. But alas, there was SOMETHING on the menu I could have.
             And here it is in all it's glory
I did not remove or add anything to this basket before taking the photo. This LITERALLY is what was placed in front of me. Note: I despise potatoes.

New Job, New City

So I've officially been in Shreveport for 4 days now. I'm still getting to know the city.....and by getting to know I mean getting lost for long periods of times while trying to get to places on time. Mad props to people who just "figure out" a city as soon as they get there. I am mos def NOT one of those people.
             Yesterday it took me about 25 extra minutes to find this park area:
What is this park's name, you ask? That's a very good question that I can not answer. Maybe I'll know in a few weeks because 1) I'll hopefully know the area better and 2) I plan to return here many times over the weekends.
Not only did I find a nice grassy patch to read my script near the sound of water but their is also a train near by. I love the sound of a train going by. As a child, when I visited my Grammy's house, the sound of trains in the distance used to ease me into sleep. With the background noise of a train, running water, and the afternoon sun it was fairly hard to keep my eyes open.
How did I manage to wake myself up in order to go out in the evening?
Duuuuuuuude, I haven't had a Sonic Limeade is years! Perfect for a quick pick-me-up after a day in the sun. Seriously, these things are delicious.  Shreveport is a long suburban sprawl which has so many fast food chains that we don't have in New Orleans....or maybe I just didn't notice them. Either/or I plan on enjoying QUITE a few of these suckers in the next 2 months.